just for mommies...

OK everyone, let's face it: girls want to KNOW the real deal about what went down. And, guys, well, let's just say, it is not their most comfortable topic of conversation. So--read at your own risk...

At 1:00 am on Sunday, I started feeling a lot of sensations. I had no idea what labor was supposed to feel like--except the word 'contraction' seemed to mean a squeezing feeling. I felt like someone was blowing air inside me-lots of pressure. I'd heard of Braxton-Hicks (false labor) and my mind was thinking "I WILL be pregnant forever." So--naturally, I blew it off as not something I needed to deal with in the middle of the night.

By 4:00 am, I thought, "Hmmm. Maybe I should at least let Dave know what's going on." I did. We decided to continue to sleep as there was no set pattern.

By 7:00 am, I was tracking the timing. The menstrual 'cramps' I thought I was having were between 3-5 minutes. The 'contractions'--aka a squeezing feeling only happened twice in that timeframe. I still thought it was BH.

By 10:00 am, we dropped off our doggies and went to the hospital. The nurses immediately stuck us in a labor and delivery room, and I was still like "is this really time?" despite the fact that I had been admitted and all hooked up to the monitors.

As you know, I was trying to do a HypnoBirth. This plan quickly went out the window, when I attempted to listen to my tapes at this point and the sensations were entirely too sensational.

The nurses checked me, I was 5 centimeters. I could handle the pain, but I was a little on edge. One of the nurses suggested I have something to just dull the pain--like a margarita. I love margaritas, so I said yes! This was an IV margarita. I started talking about cartoons, and Dave said he was freaked out.

Oh, and for whatever reason, I normally talk very softly, but I could barely anunciate anything this whole time. I was like a whispering whisp, and I'm sure Dave was completly annoyed. He seemed to understand my whispers though.

At 8 centimeters, the doctors said there was lots of meconium in the amniotic fluid. They requested I do an Epidural, so they could control when the baby took his first breath. I said, of course!

We had called Dave's parents right at 10 when we were admitted, and this was sometime around 3:45 pm. They were still on the road! I was on the phone with my mom as often as I could be given my loopy status mentally--just giving her the play-by-play.

At 9 and a half centimeters, I started pushing, and minutes later, Isaac was here!
I said "is he out yet?" because I didn't really feel any pain! Short and Sweet! Dave's parents arrived minutes later--despite really wanting to be a part of the day.
None of us expected things to run so smoothly. Especially me, because I was convince I would be pregnant forever.

OK--but, before you HATE me---listen up! I had emesis of about 4 gallons (don't ask what emesis is) around 4:30 pm. And, by 8:00 pm, I was hemorraging with many ladies arms up my who-ha with no pain medication. No fun. Pushing here, pressing there, trying to get out all the clots and stop the blood. Then again, around 11 pm or so, same fun times. This time they said I had a hematoma (blood blister) under my uterus on my left side. Ouchie!

Recovering has been lots of crying jags from pain, and lots of comments like "I broke my geneckteckessoink (pronounced ga-ZING-ga-de-DOINK)"--as in..."That conundrum invokes shpilkes in my geneckteckessoink"...exactly. My back is so weird, I can't sit down like a normal person. My ankles are still like trunks, and I lounge like Jabba the Hut. Depressing when you have actual responsibility.

OH--AND--not to mention, I'm the only woman who at 7 days past--has NO MILK supply. I have perfectly formed, fem-bot--style idyllic nipple delivery mechanisms, and I've been Pumping-in-Style religiously with my Medela equipment every 3 hours. And--yes, a quarter of an ounce TOTAL each time. Breast surgery to remove cysts and possibly "Hypo-plastic Breast Syndrome" (not enough milk ducting by nature) gives me a 50% chance of normal production AFTER 6 weeks of religious pumping.

Dave's mom was a lifesaver last week. And my mom is helping with tons of holding, burping, feeding and comforting. I could not have asked for better help or a nicer baby. Isaac slept for 5 hours last night. He just eats, sleeps, burps and ya know. If he cries, it's for like a minute. I know. You hate me. Just remember, it's "the HONEYMOON period." OK?

We miss you. Email us at schleiferkin@gmail.com.