the fly

OH MY GOD!!! and expletives like DUDE! begin to express some of the incredulousness!

Monday night while I was walking the dog, as I do every night, a FLY flew into my ear!!! YUK! Super yuk! And it *like* burrowed so far in that it wasn’t visible to the naked eye and even the ER staff couldn’t remove it. When it first happened, Dave didn’t believe me! He thought I was joking around.

If only I could’ve video taped it. I’m sure I looked like a maniac to the casual observer. I was frantically hitting myself on the head and jumping up and down trying to shake it out of my ear. And then when it would flap it’s wings trying to get out I just ran around screaming like I was on fire.

It was more uncomfortable and more painful & scary than labor! How something so small could sound SOOOOOO loud and create that much havoc is beyond me! Kooky!

Dave wanted to remove it himself when it first happened. Seems reasonable? Yes? He wanted Q-Tips and tweezers and he wanted to pour water into my ear. That might have worked but I was so whipped up into a frantic frenzy I couldn’t think straight.

I did have the presence of mind to call Dave’s mom, who used to be a nurse. I figured she would know if we could take care of it ourselves or if we needed to go to the ER. Except the day before Dave disconnected our land-line, so I used the Google/Gmail phone, which sounds like it’s run through an auto-tune and has a really weird phone number (unrecognizable!).

So—between the weird acoustics and me FLIPPING out, I’m sure my mother-in-law was very confused about what was happening. I called her by her first name because I wasn’t thinking straight and was so panicky.

Dave called her back on a normal phone and she did recommend we go to the ER. So, Dave was still thinking this was a gigantic waste of time and money because he was exhausted from his already 14 hour day and he needed to eat dinner, study and go to bed. GUESS NOT! Because we were going to the ER.

I was riding white-knuckled, grasping desperately on the car, bent over, hunching over trying to stop the pain. By this time, I think Dave realized it was a serious situation.

When we got there, the receptionist said ‘have a seat and we’ll be with you in a few minutes.’ I lost it and starting crying and rocking like a crazy person in full-blown neurosis. Dave was parking the car and bringing Isaac along.

When the receptionist realized my distress, she got a nurse and they got me a room. I’m sure it was only 2 minutes or so, but it seemed like an eternity. And every time the darn thing fluttered it’s wings it was the most excruciating pain and I would start screaming and curling my toes. (NOTE: I didn’t scream at all when I gave birth to Isaac and normally I don’t even need pain meds or aspirin or anything. So—then Dave knew—THIS WAS MAJOR!)

The first thing the doctor and nurses wanted to do was use Lidocaine to numb my ear and hopefully quell the bug. Guess what? Flys don’t respond to drugs apparently because this thing was still buzzing and fluttering. SOOOOOOOOOOO LOUD. So painful. More screaming.

Then, they wanted to flush it out using high pressured water. The whole time I’m thinking, my poor eardrum! If it hasn’t been destroyed by the fly eating it and laying scary eggs, surely the water pressure will break it and then I’ll have a dead bug parts and a pierced eardrum circulating in my brain.

And I’m still shrieking and grabbing so hard onto the guerney. Laughing about how flies (moths?) don’t respond to Lidocaine. Finally the fluttering and buzzing was subsiding with the water they were squirting in. The nurses were reassuring me that an army of flies were not going to be festering in my brain and I wasn’t going to get evil fly disease from fly bites.

Poor Isaac was very upset. I don’t think he’s ever seen mommy lose it completely. We probably should’ve kept him away, but I think Dave wanted to be there with me and we didn’t have a babysitter because it was the middle of the night—short notice!

Then the fly (moth?) got his second wind and decided to really GO FOR IT with the fluttering & buzzing. OH MY GOD. Excruciating. White-knuckle clinging. Screams. Twitching.

Then finally with more squirts of water, finally the fly (moth?) died. YUCKO!!! Disgusting. They were able to remove the ‘thorax.’ Gross. Bug parts inside me. They said I’d have to see a Ear Nose and Throat Specialist to be able to fully remove the rest. He would have a microscope and specialized tools.

I was so exhausted when we got home I just fell to sleep instantly and forgot about the dead bug parts in my head. YUCK!

The next day, I went to a specialist who was able to remove it. Thank GOD. When I checked in, they asked for the reason for my visit. They had check boxes for stuff like headaches, teeth grinding, sinus infections and the like. I didn’t see a box for DEAD BUG PARTS IN HEAD so I made my own and checked it.

The doctor said this is apparently very common. Apparently bugs can’t walk backwards or fly backwards and they get stuck. Anyway. All bad and all gone. Still hurts like a BEEP!

Apparently, if it happens to you or someone you love, you need to pour room temperature water in your ear to kill the insect. Then, it may rinse out when you pour the water out of your ear. If not, go to an ENT doctor ASAP. The ER folks don’t have the specialized tools.

Though, if it’s a vegetable or food item, go directly to the ENT or ER because water will cause the item to swell, making it harder to remove.

Soooooooooooooooooo disgusting. Beyond words!