...BUT!
Since my friend Susan said she felt trapped by a sick child at home in her blog-- and she survived...I am emboldened.
OMG! While I love being a parent to an infant, I hate being a caregiver.
There, I said it.
DISCLAIMER: My mom said yesterday her life is a 9 out of 10. She said she loves living with us, enjoys getting to know me better, and loves seeing Isaac everyday. She loves the food I cook and the chance to visit with the steady stream of family and friends. Her doctors would say I'm doing an excellent job, and her improving health is a testiment to the care she's receiving.
I help her send emails, write letters, do all of her paperwork and medications, and keep a steady flow of coffee, pepsi, ice, cheese, crackers, cookies and sandwiches coming, and I clean everything. I take her to all of her appointments and I help her with activities of daily living that we will not mention here.
I know more about oxygen tanks and concentrators and walkers and wheelchairs than I would ever care to know.
So--obviously she and I are having very different experiences.
Caregiving is no fun. Not because the work itself is difficult, but because of the trapped feeling. I can't leave the house overnight without an emotional firestorm, and I always have to be reachable by cell. There is no 'time off.' Even if I'm away, I am still 'on-call.'
I'm trying to do my best to accept the situation gracefully and know that it's temporary. I just wish I had a few siblings to share this with. (Or, at times, that I could fake my own death. Was that my outside voice?)
And for those of you who have not purchased Long Term Care insurance for yourselves and your parents--the clock is TICKING, tick tock, tick tock. Get it as early as possible while you still qualify and it's cheap. These events can drain your savings amazingly fast. Money is not a total solution, but the not-enough-money situation is even more stressful. Just my soapbox.
Ciao for now. Miss you!
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2 comments:
I'm often not mindful of this part of your life, Tara. It's good for you to be honest about how you feel about it. Do you have some kind of support system or group that you can talk to about it? Anyway, I do hope that you are able to persevere with purpose and love.
I agree with Rebecca - you need outside help. I think you mentioned once that you had someone who visited her? A home health aide? What about an adult day care? Many churches (esp in the South!) have that option. I know an overnight is probably out of the realm of possibility, but getting away for a bit with your hubby for a night out (when he has a break) is a great idea.
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