the transformation of snuffles

Well, as many of you predicted, the babymoon is over! Snuffles has become a fussy fussy baby who cries a lot during the day and there's little I can do to comfort him. I feel so sad for him, he seems like he's so uncomfortable. I'm sure it's digestive distress and I wonder why they don't make baby medications to help with it.

If it goes on much longer, I'll look into switching formulas and talking to the doctor. :( Poor baby :(

He just gets cuter and cuter though. Even when he's screaming I just want to hug and squeeze him all the time.

We've compromised on the sleeping situation. Dave does the feedings after work and before midnight. I go to bed as soon as we get back from picking him up from the subway at night (like 9:00 pm) and I am lucky when I only have to get up at 2 am and 4 am for feedings. At 4, I cave and bring Isaac into bed with us, making extra sure he has plenty of breathing room. It seems to be working out.

The dogs are a different story! Lately Daisy has gotten very active at night. Last night I didn't sleep at all because of her barking, scratching and whimpering. I couldn't even keep everything quiet so Dave could sleep. It was a bad deal.

In Dave news, his good grades continue. Unlike other law schools, Dave has had assignments that do count toward his final grade. He keeps getting As. I am so proud of him. It really is remarkable. I certainly could not do what he's doing.

My Sally Homemaker routines have slid a bit with the changes in Lumbley's sleep and temprament. Dave is lucky to get a banana and a breakfast bar in the morning. And forget about lunch most days. Dinner is a sometimes event. We always seem to have something I've prepared, but the inspiration is lacking. There are papers on the table, so we're eating at the couch in front of the TV. Most times it's a one-dish meal, with no extras. And, it's shifts. Mom at 6:00, Dave after he gets home and me, randomly.

And my house--I am lucky if one area of one room is clean at a time at my previous standards. It's demoralizing.

Sleep deprivation is serious business. Lumbley just settled down, so I'm going to go snooze. More soon!

ok--I get it now

I am beginning to understand the stereotypical mixed feelings about parenthood that people experience :( I am still super excited about him and I think he's the greatest thing ever AND simultaneously, I'm like "ooooh...this is what people are talking about."

As much as I love my pumpkin---my little sweet pea won't sleep for the long stretches he's supposed to--according to the pediatric experts who write books.

We made the transition from the 24 hour marsupial (me) to using the crib at night around October 10th after stern warnings about SIDS from our Pediatrician. This meant that instead of getting quasi-half-awake sleep for a normal length of time, I started to get a pattern of sleep for an hour, feed/change/burp the baby for 2 hours, repeat all night. And I really felt the difference. I began to get really, really, really tired.

The books say if you focus on how the baby sleeps and setting up good habits, rather than focusing on how he eats, you will have a much more rested FAMILY. Also, many people seem to think that 3 month old babies should be able to sleep for 6-9 hour stretches and at 3 months, it's starting to be time to skip the nighttime feedings.

So, when I tried following that advice, the pattern was sleep for 50 minutes, give the baby the pacifier and help him get back to sleep for 10 minutes, repeat---EVERY HOUR---ALL NIGHT. Then, at 4 am, out of desperation, bring the baby into bed for trhe quasi-half-awake dangerous SIDS co-sleeping deal.

Fag-get-aba-it. We're back to feeding ever 3 hours--round the clock--with crib. And I want to cry.

I just remember my friend Ashley forewarning me about this. The sadness and desperation in her voice when she said she felt like she would never be rested ever again was palpable. And scary. I thought I'd get through it just fine, because of the previous jobs I've had which required all nighters on occasion---many, consecutive occasions at times.

Oh, how wrong I was. There is a difference between having a job--when you have to do the occasional or often all-nighter--and the constantcy and new lifestyle, permanent responsibility of being a parent. It's an entirely different deal. I don't mind the lack of sleep, I mind the feeling of disorganization and just how much harder everything is when you're tired and you get interrupted every time you are trying to do something!!!

I'm still very committed to Dave sleeping like a normal person. We have to have that for him to be able to handle his load. He is awesome. He does so much house-related and child-care stuff on nights and weekends. If I had his schedule, I would collapse when I didn't have to be 'on.' He does 14 - 16 hour days every day.

HOWEVER, this is all about to change. I am about to experience some personhood and temporary reprieve from full-time parenting/caregiving. Today, I:

--Got a baby jogger (happy!), now I can take dogs on serious walks (jogs?) with Isaac. No guilt about not walking the dogs anymore--and I can begin to chip away at my extra baby weight!!

--Found a caregiver for my mom so Dave and I can travel out of town to visit his parents

--Hired our neighbor for 'supervised' babysitting--she can come over while I'm home and I can get some stuff done.

Solving problems is a wonderful thing :) No sense becoming grouchy-pants :)

And, yeah, it took 3 months, but I finally understand. This is what people were talking about.

lunch with the deputy director

In the continuing unfoldment of my relations with mysterious and long-lost family members, today Isaac and I had lunch [delicious! here: http://www.tonicrestaurant.com/fb] with a cousin I haven't seen in over 30 years!

Ms. Becca Walawender and her significant other, Kristin. Becca's mom and my mom are cousins. And the closest thing either of them has to being sisters. My mom LOVES Mary Lee (Becca's mom) so much and it's kinda crazy that Becca and I didn't get to spend more time together as kids. (Refer to my earlier post about my Jerry Springer/Dr. Phil-esque childhood for context here) In a family of mostly BOYS, the four of us are the only girls!

Anywho---Becca and Kristin are super fun! And super interesting. Kristin just returned from Africa on a business trip--economic development work for regional farmers. And Becca just got promoted to Deputy Director of something important with the federal government.

I could've sat with them all day long and chatted the day away. After 6 months of not much socializing with ANY girlie peers--they were both a breath of fresh air. The exact infusion of wit, irony and irreverence that's loads of fun and rare to find.

They've both lived in San Fran and they understand the TOUGH transition from West Coast RELAXED and HAPPY culture and BREATHTAKING beauty to the East Coast opposite. If they can do it, so can I.

[Perhaps they will join us for Thanksgiving and regale us with their adventures in Africa. With Adam there, the conversation will be lively for sure!]

Dave studied while we had lunch and then we met up with him afterwards at the GW Law School. I got to see his classrooms, the library, and the campus. All very impressive. He was so proud and I enjoyed watching him point out all the sites to Isaac.

We all finished the day with a trip to Wegman's. Becca and Kristin went to the Fairfax one (I think) and we went to the Gainesville one. If you can't have Thriftway and Larry's, Wegman's will do. It was a good day.

We miss you. Email us at schleiferkin@gmail.com.

army, navy, air force, marines

hi again!

I wrote a while back about the different demographic mix here in Northern Virginia---about my mix of fear and fascination with all of the military and law enforcement professionals living nearby--specifically in my neighborhood. And my sadness about the Pit Bulls--living next door. I wasn't sure how it was all going to come together for us. I was curious and interested--but very unsure--because of the dogs.

Well, call it the gift of gab from having kissed The Blarney Stone in 1997, I've gotten to know the neighbors, and the dogs, and they are all actually quite nice. Every single person around us is either a police officer, a Marine, an FBI investigator or CIA. Oh, except one--he works for the NRA. Quite a different bunch than I've been exposed to in my sheltered life.

Needless to say, their perspective on life and the world is quite different than my own. But I'm always curious and interested in people, and asking them about their lives and work is one sure way to get people to open up and get to know them.

They've got some fascinating stories about their work, their time overseas, and their professions. They make great neighbors--very responsible. Like they cut their grass and fertilize on time for example. Stuff that's hard for us with our current load.

And--SURPRISE--their dogs are better behaved than mine!! I guess it's not that surprising. I'm somewhat of a cream puff on the inside and I think my dogs can sense that. Mine are obedient, but all bets are off if they go into their 'instinctual (un)happy place.' The Marines definitely have their Pit Bulls well under control. I'm not sure I'm 100% comfortable with the situation, but the irony is not lost on me for sure.

Even more IRONIC is that Daisy--our black lab---LOVES, loves, loves to play with them. She's about their same size, and she's naturally very submissive, so there are no conflicts. And I didn't know this before I had a lab, but they are very 'pack' oriented--as opposed to 'people' oriented like all my previous dogs. I haven't known really how to 'connect' with Daisy in the past, other than to give her food and treats which she loves. But she LOOOOOVES other dogs and she especially loves the Pits. And they appear to love her. They just all roll around together and could enjoy their doggie time all day long if they could.

So--we hang out together as much as possible with everyone's schedules. All the dogs get really tired when they play together, much more so than even a long walk. And, who doesn't love a tired doggie! A tired doggie is a happy doggie. So--I put my fears aside and let her play with her friends Max, Rocky and Rambo. Rocky is her BFF.

So--it's unfortunate that there are those people in our society that do not have positive motivations, good character and self-control and subsequently military and police force are necessary to keep the peace. Though, it is the reality we live in. I have no interest in doing that kind of work myself, but I sure am glad there are people out there who want to do it.

And, I have to say, I'm kinda glad they are my neighbors. Not only because they're easygoing and nice people, but it's definitely a very safe neighborhood!

And--oh, I guess now I'll be surrounded! Dave's dad and brother-in-law are in the military, Dave's going to be a lawyer and there is just law enforcement all around us. It's like living in a fortress!

More soon! Email us at schleiferkin@gmail.com.

domestic bliss and tranquility

true love x 2!

In addition to making a DAMN FINE BANANA CAKE, because she knew it was my favorite, and she wanted to make my birthday really special, which she did, and it was :)---- my M-I-L, Carolyn is the ultimate domestic doyenne.

Being at her house is so RELAXING, first and foremost because of the pleasant company, but also because it's just very CLEAN and very comfortable. It's outfitted with the all thoughtful small details that make guests feel immediately at ease, and find everything they need is already provided. And the smell of delicious food cooking (always) adds to the feeling of HOME at her house.

You already know from reading previous posts, that her home it also an atmosphere of warmth, caring, support, and unconditional love. So--it is even more enjoyable because of her domestic skills. She doesn't just go out of her way for MY birthday, every person she loves recieves her loving attention during their uniquely important moments.

It is on her skillful creation of HOME, in every meaning of the word, that I base my aspirations. Not only for the comfort of my husband, because he's accustomed to such a high standard of care and creature comforts, because his MOM and DAD did such a good job, but also for the health and comfort of Isaac. :) I am so fortunate to get to be a stay-at-home mom to him. We wanted him to have the same nurturing home environment that Dave grew up with.

Maintaining this environment of delicious home cooked meals, uber-cleanliness, uplifting and inspiring beauty, and loving attentiveness, is a huge priority for me, not only for Isaac's well-being, but for Dave's as well. It's my way of saying THANK YOU while his responsibility load is so large--with law school and working full-time--very difficult and challenging. Thank you Dave, for all your hard work. My mom and I appreciate being the beneficiaries.

Consequently, my home is SO CLEAN right now. There is nothing that feels better or more luxurious--than a clean, well-appointed, beautiful home. For the first time since we moved in, the clutter is cleared, and I was able to clean really deeply--everywhere. We're talking cleaning the floors on hands and knees and dusting the blinds---clean. Prior to this we just had parts clean and parts dirty.

I've always been good at keeping the homemade meals coming and the freezer full. Dave absolutely LOVES food, and he is quite an talented gourmet cook, so his expectations for good FLAVOR are high. I love food too--though, I enjoy very low-brow comfort food as much as the dramatic, flaming Steak Au Poive or the exotic Thai dishes Dave makes. Mostly I love cooking for how much it intensifies the feeling of home--- filling the house with such enticing smells wafting through the air.

Some things I learned recently:
--Used dryer sheets take away soap residue on glass shower doors. Sparkling!
--Baby wipes make excellent dust cloths on non-wood surfaces.















tummy time is happy time--especially on our new play yard from grama!


Everyone knows how good it feels when your house is CLEAN. When my house is this clean, I always want to invite everyone over to enjoy it. Previously, that has meant FRIENDS while we lived in Seattle. We will certainly miss our huge blow-out parties as well as intimate gatherings with our good friends. :(

Now it means FAMILY too since most everyone lives near here. And in our short time here we've hosted family events and houseguests a number of times already!

I love that our home is becoming a HUB of hosting and entertaining in our extended network of friends and family. And I absolutely love providing such a nurturing, relaxing, nourishing and beautiful space for everyone who spends time here. (pictures as soon as I hang the art and the curtains :) )

Our next big gathering is THANKSGIVING. I hope all of our invited guests can make it. Believe me, the food will be delicious. And, oh, how I wish you could join us!

Miss you! Email us at schleiferkin@gmail.com.

I need my Helena Williams.

HELENA WILLIAMS---I miss you!


"...Won't you be, won't you be, please won't you be, my neighbor?" -- Fred Rodgers, The Mister Rodgers Show, 1976

"...There she is...Miss America," Lyrics by Wayne Bernie, 1963

OMG I miss you Helena! And I miss our time as neighbors :) We were SUCH GOOD partners.

For several YEARS...
We ran 4 - 12 miles a DAY-- three to five times a week!
We lifted weights for the same.
We did fun things like the Vancouver BC Half Marathon.
We hosted fun parties and served yummy food.
We ran The Ives Home Owners Association--very successfully :) with programs that are in operation today STILL.
We (OK--YOU) created Noche de Arte---aka Stich & Bitch.

What a WHOLESOME, FULL, HEALTHFUL lifestyle that was.

We said we would keep up the regimens--POST babies, and DURING parenting.

I need you. I need to still do all those things--and this Home Owners Association is four times the size. And the extra baby weight is not budging. I can do it by myself, it's just not as fun. I'm feeling the LOSS. Still. After all this time.

In short, you ROCK.

This is my tribute to YOU! For all to see.

And if anyone would like to volunteer to be my LOCAL neighbor | running partner | VP | girlie friend, please let me know. [And Paige Kromer--make no mistake, you are a wonderful next-door neighbor too, you just said you prefer tennis.]


:(

if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

Clap, clap!

These days I am singing all of those happy childhood songs---On Top of Old Smokey, Zip-A-Dee-Do-Da, On the Good Ship Lollipop. Good thing our internet connection is back up. I can refresh my memory on ALL THE VERSES, not just the reprieves.

Isaac sure does seem like a happy baby. He wakes up everyday with a huge smile on his face. And, aside from slurping down a good 12 ounces--a lot for an almost 3 month old, he pretty much just coos, and kicks, and smiles with his sparkling charm--all the time. He's such an easy baby. I just want to cuddle with him constantly--which is good--I am still a marsupial.

Sometimes our house is a little bit messy (a lot?! YES--OK) but Dave even says--Isaac time is prime time. Good thing even the experts say you can't spoil a baby younger than 6 months.

I want to have 16 more--tomorrow. But everyone agrees--this would be a BAD idea. So--I have comprimised--lose my weight, focus on my health--AND THEN TRY again. We'll definitely be having a second (and a third if I get my way :) as soon as possible.

So--a long time ago I decided that I would THRIVE. I would figure out everything I wanted and needed to thrive, and I would learn how my significant others would define thriving, and I would work to create those things for everyone in my household. At the time, right after I decided, it seemed that my life went to shambles. Lots of stuff needed to change. I only had success in PARTS of my life--like my career. Old things that were not giving me happiness gave way to new things that were much better suited to me, and my life became really fun.

I am happy to report a deep satisfaction with all parts of my life these days. You might think it would be the opposite in our current circumstances. Dave doing 16 hour days, me being a 'single-mom' in essence...yes, there is a lot to do. But today for example is a perfect day. Dave supervised Isaac's nap while I took the dogs on a long walk. The leaves are changing, the sun was shining, and the forests surrounding our house are absolutely gorgeous. We saw turkey tracks, and deer tracks and the dogs ran and ran in the open fields.

Everyone had delicious food that I had cooked earlier in the week--strata for breakfast, shepard's pie for lunch. And, with our new nifty FiOS entertainment system, I've been able to fire-up my mom's favorite shows on her TV. It's a perfect, relaxing, fall Saturday afternoon.

I think THRIVING and deep satisfaction in life has a lot to do with one's energy level matching one's responsibilities and goals. For me, it's having the power to create the emotional and home environment and experiences for the enjoyment of the important people in my life. Myself included. Lately, these things are all matching up.

Striving is still part of my physiology. It's fun to build on successes and increase self-esteem. Though, it feels a lot nicer on top of a solid emotional foundation and strong, functioning household. I think Dave would agree. It's his raison d'etre for going to school.

It feels really good to be me--both on the inside--and the outside--darn near all the time. I know Dave feels the same way. And it makes our beautiful home and time with our loved ones that much more meaningful and precious. I didn't know it was possible to experience such wholeness. :)

Those years back, I had only IMAGINED, it might be possible to THRIVE. Thank goodness for my imagination. And now, the reality is even better!

I'm thankful we waited until now for Isaac. He gets to benefit from this ebullient, strong time in our lives.

More soon. Email us at schleiferkin@gmail.com.